


Clean in Mind and Body

by needles



Series: Bokuaka Detective drabbles [31]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:07:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29411676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/needles/pseuds/needles
Summary: Cleanliness is next to Godliness, but sometimes you can take things a little too far.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Series: Bokuaka Detective drabbles [31]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2116251
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	Clean in Mind and Body

If the house hadn’t been so isolated they would have found the body much sooner. As it was, it was thanks to a local petty thief, who had the shock of his life when he opened the door. He was currently sitting in a squad car still looking distinctly green. Bokuto was beginning to feel the same way; the stench was unlike anything he’d encountered before, a cross between rotting flesh and raw sewage.

Keiji was, as usual apparently unaffected and approached the putrid mound of remains with something almost approaching relish. The body was naked and lying face down on the bed and at first sight of the rubber hose Bokuto suspected some kind of sexual play gone horribly wrong. However the tube was attached to some kind of machine on a trolley beside the bed.

“What on Earth is that for Akaashi? Some kind of kinky fetish?”

“I suspect colonic irrigation Bokuto san.”

“Colonic what?”

“Irrigation. Some people believe they can improve their overall health by emunction of the colon at regular intervals.”

“Akaashi I told you yesterday only one new squinty word per day, emunction is your second today, English please.”

Rolling his eyes he translated. “Emunction is the clearing of obstructions from bodily passages.”

“So why the tube, it looks to be stuck right up his….?” Bokuto gestured with his pen.

“The colon is flushed with water to wash out accumulated faecal matter.”

“Sounds vile. Does it work?”

“There is a consensus of medical opinion that the process is entirely without scientific merit, the human colon is perfectly capable of dealing with waste matter on its own. Actually the process can be dangerous since it is possible to perforate the bowel. In fact, although I would like to consult with Washio on this one, I suspect that perforation of the bowel, leading to peritonitis and blood poisoning was the cause of death here. The body exhibits no signs of trauma that I can identify at present.”

“What can you tell me about the victim though Akaashi?”

“Male, mid-thirties, height six-two, hair blonde, healed fracture of the radius, probably from a childhood accident, oh and his teeth had been capped.”

“Atta boy Akaashi, that all tallies with the description of the house owner. One Jens Nordstrom, part time male model and full time health nut.” 

“Bokuto san just because someone takes care of their health does not make them a nut. I for example am extremely conscious of what I eat and how much I exercise, am I a nut?” Keiji asked, as he removed his  
gloves and signalled to the techs to bag up the remains.

Bokuto sighed this was clearly a no brainer. “No Akaashi you are not a nut, but some people do take it too far, would you try this colonic thingy?”

“Certainly not, as I said it is entirely without scientific backing,” Keiji said, heading back outside.

“Well there you are, that’s the difference. So, are you ruling this an accidental death?”

“That all depends,” he said getting into the car.

Bokuto climbed into the driver’s seat. “On what?”

“On whether he could have inserted the tube himself.”

“And how do you plan to work that out, we can hardly ask him?”

Keiji smiled. “I thought we could try some practical tests; you are about his size and build…..”

“No way Akaashi! I am not going to be some kind of lab rat for you!” His hands reached protectively round his rear.

Keiji burst into giggles and his shoulders shook. “Gotcha!”

“Akaashi?”

He wiped the tears from his eyes. “Sorry Bokuto san, we will use the computer simulator of course, but you should have seen your face!” He collapsed in another fit of giggles.

“What’s with all the giggling Akaashi, it’s not like you to make jokes at a crime scene? You usually tell me off for it.”

“Bokuto, check the date.”

He looked at his watch. “The second of April Akaashi.”

“Here let me see that!” Keiji grabbed his wrist and tapped on the watch. “Damn! I must have forgotten to tear a day off my calendar.”

Bokuto laughed at his disappointed expression. “Yeah Akaashi one day too late, it doesn’t count.”

“I’ll get you next year Bokuto san,” he said, glaring at him as he started the engine.

He grinned smugly. “You’ll try Akaashi, you’ll try.”

Keiji just frowned.

Bokuto tapped his arm playfully. “Aww never mind Akaashi let’s go to the diner, you can steal my fries and give me a lecture on unhealthy eating habits.”

“And you’ll listen?” Keiji said hopefully.

“I always listen.”

He snorted derisively. “Then you order another burger!”

“Hey, I’m a big guy, I need meat!”

“Not dripping in grease though. I’m just concerned for your health Bokuto san; I don’t want you to have a coronary from atherosclerosis,” Keiji said seriously.

“I didn’t know you cared Akaashi?”

“Oh I care Bokuto san, I care a lot,” he said softly. “I’d prefer not to have to go to another of your funerals just yet.”

Bokuto glanced at him, his expression thoughtful. “Ok then Akaashi, just for you I’ll have the chicken.”

“With a salad?” he said expectantly.

“Akaashi; don’t push your luck!” Bokuto growled, but Keiji saw the amused glint in his eye. It was a small step he thought, but baby steps would get him there eventually.

Keiji chuckled. “Can’t blame me for trying, not after all the times you’ve tried to make me eat pie.”

Bokuto pulled into a parking place outside their usual diner and they got out. He turned to Keiji and looked thoughtfully at him. “You really worry about me that much Akaashi?”

“Well I’d hate to try and break in another partner.” Keiji deflected.

He turned his chin towards him with a finger. “That your only reason Akaashi?”

“No,” he whispered. He could feel the colour rising up his face as his heart rate increased. “I don’t want to lose you, ever.”

As Bokuto’s head dipped towards him he whispered. “You won’t Akaashi I promise.”

As their lips met a small round of applause broke out inside the diner.


End file.
